Yesterday my mom told us all we need to help more around the house (mainly because she got pissed Sunday and broke a window) and when the little “meeting” was over Lindsay asked if she was allowed to boss us around and assign jobs and my retard of a mother said yes. If my mom thinks for one second that Lindsay is going to tell me what to do then she might as well kick me out because Lindsay has already tried that and tried giving mark and I jobs to do she doesn’t want to do. It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens. Then comes in my room waiting for me to acknowledge her. After 5 minutes of ignoring her I finally ask if I could help and and she starts screaming, “yeah I’ve been waiting for you to acknowledge me so I can talk to you!!” I very angrily scream back, “obviously I’m busy typing something on my phone!” And she goes off on a tangent how I cant even text on this phone so why do I use it. Ummm maybe because this phone works better for the internet than my other phone or laptop so you can kindly go fuck yourself in the ass with a cactus.

lizzymercierdescloux1979:

things girls do that I love:

  • offer their friends sips of their coffee drinks without being asked
  • scratch each others back
  • say things like “smell this lotion I bought this weekend”
  • compliment each other’s eyebrows 
  • that thing when they agree with you and their eyes get really wide and they nod their head solemnly 
  • throw out each others gum wrappers or chip bags when they get up 
ultrafacts:

thescoon:

sir-hathaway:

gryffinpoor:

dudemanbropants:

gryffinpoor:

thepreciousthing:

the-ordinary-nerd:

ask-or-rp-with-will-petrisous:

squad16:

finalellipsis:

bestnatesmithever:

What if it bites me and it dies?

that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.

What if it bites itself and I die?

It’s voodoo.

What if it bites me and someone else dies?

That’s correlation, not causation.

what if we bite each other and neither of us die

that’s kinky

oh my god

this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever

I rarely reblog stuff like this, but this is so damn clever and hilarious.

(Source) for the fact in the picture

ultrafacts:

thescoon:

sir-hathaway:

gryffinpoor:

dudemanbropants:

gryffinpoor:

thepreciousthing:

the-ordinary-nerd:

ask-or-rp-with-will-petrisous:

squad16:

finalellipsis:

bestnatesmithever:

What if it bites me and it dies?

that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.

What if it bites itself and I die?

It’s voodoo.

What if it bites me and someone else dies?

That’s correlation, not causation.

what if we bite each other and neither of us die

that’s kinky

oh my god

this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever

I rarely reblog stuff like this, but this is so damn clever and hilarious.

(Source) for the fact in the picture

Reblogged from ultrafacts

sixpenceee:

Hercules is a 900-pound-heavy, 6-feet-tall and 12-feet-long liger who holds the Guinness World Record for the largest cat. Born from a lion father and tiger mother, Hercules grew into an impressive creature, able to run at speeds of up to 50 mph and eat 100 pounds of food in one sitting. Despite his gigantic size, Hercules is very tame and Dr. Bhagavan, one of the liger’s caretakers, says looking into his eyes is “like looking into God’s own eyes”. (Source)

Where do I get  one?!

Reblogged from spoopywinglessfae